Sexual Predation

It is ironic, although certainly not entirely unexpected, that the final nail in Donald Trump’s coffin will be driven in by a legion of women coming out with stories of groping, harassment and unwanted sexual advances by the Republican nominee for president.  Ironic, because the Republican Party considered itself well established as the party holding the moral high road after Bill Clinton’s sexual misconduct.  And not entirely unexpected, because any fool could have predicted from first glimpse of ‘the Donald’ that his past must be a veritable treasure trove of sexual improprieties.

This may go down as the year when society finally became fully aware of the extent of sexual predation in our social interactions.  From the Stanford swimmer who was caught attempting intercourse with an almost unconscious woman to the army of sports figures and celebrities who are implicated in rape and domestic violence, to Mr. Trump and his incredible hot mike recording with Billy Bush.  After this recording went viral, millions of women came forward with stories of their own encounters with sexual predators.

Sexual predation is clearly more about power and control than it is about sex.  Most men have strong sex drives.  But a normal, healthy sex drive is oriented around mutual attraction, affection and consent.  A healthy, well-adjusted man may desire an attractive woman he encounters, but he would never make an overt sexual gesture such as kissing, touching or even verbally suggesting sexual activity unless he received a clear signal that the woman is a willing participant. Indeed, the quickest way to turn off a normal man is to show indifference, contempt or resistance to his sexual interest.  This should douse the flames immediately.

Any sort of pleasure that a man feels in forcing a sexual encounter is out of the realm of normal sexual behavior.  It is the perverse pleasure of a bully or a psychopath.  It is the sad expression of some serious psychological flaw.

When a man forces a kiss or gropes a woman’s breast or vagina, or even propositions her, it is a pathetic attempt to overcome feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.  It is the expression of a frantic need to be powerful and in control.  It has little or nothing to do with sexuality in any healthy sense, but rather is exploiting a sexual urge to establish dominance.  It is conflating a healthy human desire with a sordid, perverse need to produce a toxic, anti-social action.

So called ‘locker room’ talk is something every man encounters.  Some participate and some do not.  It occurs most often in one’s youth, in gym class or on sports teams, hence the term locker room.  For the most part it consists of boys talking in sexist terms about girls’ looks and bodies, and speculation or even bragging (often on a fictional basis!) about sexual activity in raw language.

But in my experience it does not include talk of sexual predation.  I cannot recall boys or men bragging about how they could force themselves on women or do things without their consent.  Even in my time in the Navy on a submarine where sexual banter was endemic, I rarely heard men describe forcing themselves on women.  And when they did, their comments were greeted with an awkward silence.  The majority of men know the boundaries.

This is not to say that men in general are not guilty of rampant objectification of women and misogynistic comments about them.  But there is a difference between predatory speech and typical male buffoonery.

Some will say that women invite sexual advances by dressing provocatively or emphasizing their breasts or other anatomical features.  It is certainly true that men find sexy outfits titillating.  But to imply that unsolicited sexual overtures are justified by any type of appearance is totally absurd.

Have men so little self-control or discipline that they cannot contain themselves in the presence of an attractive or even provocatively-dressed woman?  This seems to be the conclusion that society long held and that certain cultures still hold today regarding female attire and this is why historically women all over the world have been forced to wrap themselves from head to toe outside of the home.

Blame will also be placed at the foot of our more permissive, sexually liberated society.  This is surely specious reasoning, as predatory sexual behavior has been around for all of human history, and may even have been worse before women gained some level of liberation and power.  Sex is no longer a taboo topic, hidden behind closed doors fueling massive neuroses throughout society.  Its liberation may cause some degree of discomfort and has certainly challenged our way of dealing with it, but there is nothing in the new openness of sexuality that justifies sexual misconduct.

It is now time for men to draw clear lines around acceptable sexual behavior, and more importantly, to communicate to other men that they will no longer laugh at predatory language or jokes, or shrug off the claims or bragging of the predators themselves.  Silence is equivalent to approval.  Sexuality is a beautiful and exciting part of life, but like many beautiful things, it must be protected from toxic and malevolent forces.