Masculinity

What is masculinity?  There is probably no more complex, fraught or contradictory concept in our current cultural landscape.  We struggle with what it means to be masculine; with how masculinity can be expressed; with its implications for violence, sexuality, partnership, parenting, competition and a host of other behaviors and traits.

Masculinity, along with other gender concepts, plays a big role in the current culture wars.  In the conservative world view, masculinity is under attack from the ‘woke’, cancel-culture, radical left.  It is difficult to get past the pervasive stereotypes and knee-jerk assumptions that inform many people’s opinions of masculinity.

First, a definition of sorts:  Masculinity is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with men and boys. Although masculinity is socially constructed, research indicates that some behaviors considered masculine are biologically influenced. To what extent masculinity is biologically or socially influenced is subject to debate.

What are the attributes, behaviors and roles associated with men and boys?  Traditionally they are things like toughness, aggression, competitiveness, strength, drive, courage, assertiveness and stoicism.  Some traits are framed as the negatives or lesser amounts of so-called feminine traits – less sensitive, less emotional, less feeling.

I grew up with a starkly defined image of what being masculine meant, incorporating most of the stereotypes that still seem pervasive today.  But as I matured and gained life experiences, I began to see ambiguity in the whole question of gender characteristics and roles.  It became clear to me that both men and women displayed a wide spectrum of traits and that a significant percentage of people did not fit into traditional categories.  I saw many families with completely distinct and varied gender traits (and ultimately, sexuality preferences) among their children.  I met gay people, transgender people and people who seemed to be somewhere in the middle.

I spent a good part of my life surrounded by men in very masculine endeavors – athletics and the military.  But even in those realms there was a wide variety of behaviors.  Rock music, a lifelong passion, also had a large impact on my perceptions of masculinity, as it incorporated both a very stereotypical masculine energy and aggression, but also had homoerotic and strongly emotional themes. 

I became comfortable over the years with the idea that both gender and sexuality are a continuum.  This became much easier to accept once I shed the more dogmatic elements of religion and embraced modern scientific teachings about evolutionary biology, psychology and genetics.

It is impossible to separate the question of masculinity from the questions of gender and sexuality.  I will not claim any certainty in my beliefs, but I believe strongly that the following is true: 

• God did not ‘create man and woman’.  Human beings evolved.

• Human beings are not binary.  There is a gender spectrum.  There is a sexuality spectrum.

• These spectra make life and society more complex, but also more interesting and more welcoming for those at the edges of the spectra.  We must learn to accommodate them.

• If there is a God or some sort of divine being or spirit, it is probably not binary either!

• Masculinity, like femininity, is not an absolute.  It is a complex mixture of biological and evolutionary factors along with societal and environmental influences.  It is in flux.

• Toxic masculinity, which I would define as extreme masculine behavior that is anti-social, injurious to others, misogynistic, racist or homophobic, is not inevitable and should be recognized and thwarted by education, social ostracism and protective laws as needed.

There were times in my life where I exhibited toxic masculinity – the classic ‘locker room talk’, the overly sexualized and objectified treatment of women, the pumped-up bravado, the ridiculing of homosexuals, the glib glorification of violence and brutality.  I am ashamed of these times, but I believe I have learned from them and am now much more aware of the potential for hurt or harm by these behaviors.  I see in my daughters and their friends a much more enlightened consciousness that will not make as many errors, though they will surely have many challenges as well.

The world is slowly changing, and I am confident it will eventually embrace or at least acknowledge the ideas that I have framed above.  Women will become equal citizens of the world, gay and transgender people will be accepted and integrated fully into society, and the concepts of masculinity, femininity and gender roles will have softer edges and be less rigid.  These changes will not come easily, but I am optimistic that the human drama will continue to unfold in a positive way.