Over the years, if one is honest with oneself, the fallacy
in the old adage that we acquire wisdom with age becomes shockingly clear. This realization is just one of a myriad of disappointments
that cause one to careen through mid-life from crisis to crisis, but it has some
profound implications and merits a closer look.
What is wisdom? The
dictionary definition is: ‘the
quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment’. Does one become wise over one’s
lifetime? Everyone has ‘experience’, and
most people acquire more ‘knowledge’ as they go through life. But does that make them wise? How can we define ‘good judgment’?
I will make the
case that wisdom is a somewhat over-simplified concept and that what we
generally call wisdom has a very narrow scope in our own lives and almost no application to others.
The question is whether we truly become wiser as we collect
life experiences, or whether we simply become more ‘experienced’ or
‘knowledgeable’. Our experiences shape
us in some respects, but any lessons learned may only be applicable to the
specific circumstances of our own lives (which will probably not repeat
themselves) and not really general wisdom that would be of benefit to anyone
else. It is tempting to believe that we
are wiser, but if we had the opportunity to repeat our lives I wonder whether
we would prove any more adept at navigating life’s challenges than we were the
first time through.
Of course we become more capable in certain aspects of our
lives as we grow older – our business or professional skills may improve
somewhat (which may, sadly, be an anachronism if the frenzied pace of
technological change continues to increase); we may become more adept at
certain hobbies; our physical capabilities and skills will peak at some point
and then begin to wane.
But if one considers wisdom to be a deeper understanding of
life and the choices that define our lives, then I am not at all convinced that
older is wiser.
It is often said that people don’t really ever change. That may be an exaggeration, but it seems to
have a large kernel of truth. I look at
myself and those I know fairly well, and I see the same basic character traits
– the charms, the foibles, the strength of character, the neuroses, the
idiosyncrasies, the ethics, etc – that we have carried since early adulthood,
and often from early childhood.
These character traits are a critical component of the
template of our lives, and they are unique to each of us. Add to that the unique circumstantial factors
that impact every life experience and decision and you have a very specific set
of conditions that each person confronts in his or her life.
Do life experiences make us wiser? Who in good faith truly believes that their
life experiences justify them preaching to others about how to conduct their
lives? Isn’t each life so unique that it
can only be planned and critiqued by its owner?
And isn’t it highly presumptuous to believe that our own life’s joys and
sorrows offer any sort of blueprint for someone else?
Of course there are extremes where good counsel is
appropriate. The recovered alcoholic or
drug addict certainly has some good advice for those unfortunates who are
heading down a similar path.
But there are other types of so-called sage advice that
require a second look. Advising against
rash life decisions such as getting married young or resigning from jobs to
travel may sound like wisdom, but who can say for sure that these decisions are
unwise? Of course the probability of an
early marriage succeeding or a travel hiatus from a career leading to future
success may be low, but there are factors to consider that only that person can
know.
Parents may earnestly advise their children on a number of
topics as they grow into adulthood, but most children blithely ignore this free
wisdom. As the old Cat Stevens song Father
and Son goes: ‘if they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them they know not me’.
Who in good faith can tell the aspiring actor not to leave
that small town and journey to Hollywood, or the musician with dreams of rock
and roll fame not to leave school and hit the road? You can tell them the odds aren’t good, but
they probably know that already and there may be enough fulfillment in the
journey even if wild success is not the outcome.
There are self-help books by the thousands that peddle
well-worn platitudes for achieving success or happiness served up as new and
innovative concepts. If nothing else,
the never-ending supply and demand for these tropes serve as strong evidence
that wisdom is neither easily acquired nor easily dispensed.
Perhaps one of the beauties of life is its enigmatic
nature. There is no manual for living,
no secret formula for success, fulfillment or happiness. One man’s wisdom may be another’s folly. We outsource our life decisions at our own
risk. Live life with courage and energy,
and wisdom be damned!
